I'm still at Superdrug. I'm still applying for jobs. I am still going out at the weekend. Everything is 'Still' at the moment whilst I continue to attempt and plan some sort of successful life for myself.
At the moment I am running on auto-pilot, I have too much to think about, yet nothing to say, I have no idea what to think or do, yet I can't stop lying awake at night, thinking too many thinks to sleep,
In other words I am completely and utterly...Brain mushed.
We are moving house soon, this means this afternoon two big boxes of memories were left in my bedroom. Cards from when I was born, cards I have written, baby pictures, school pictures, school certificates, paintings, school books, folders and folders of writing. I seemed to like documenting my life when I was six, in fact there is a whole folder of 'documents', letters from friends and a4 pages that I use to write on holiday, along with pictures I'd drawn explaining what I had done that day.
It's really interesting to see it all, it reminds me that even in all this grown up scariness, when I see things I've written and things people have written about me, I realise that I'm still the same 6/7/8 etc etc year old that I was, obviously in a grown up body with slightly more grown up tendencies (kind of), but reminders are there that I am still the same person and that underneath all the current panic and confusion, I'm still just Tasmin.
There's a photo of me in bed asleep sucking my fingers with my teddy Huggles aged 6 in my bright yellow bedroom; I still go for the yellow straw/ yellow counter in a game/ yellow lollipop when given the option. I still have my Teddy bear Huggles (in fact he is sitting on my bed right now) and I still like sleep and I sometimes, occasionally, maybe...istillsometimessuckmyfingerseventhoughimtwentyonebutonlyinsecretsonooneknowsexceptmyfamilybecausetheyhaveseenmedoitforthelasttwentyoneyearssowhystopnowAHEEEEEEEEEEEEM.
There's my old child of the week certificates where my classmates describe me as 'She is the Cha-Cha Queen' (I think they mean the Cha-Cha slide in which case...correct) 'She is a dancing disco diva' (obvs), 'She is a real superstar' (duh), 'She has lovely neat handwriting' (It's now more of a mahoosive round print), 'She is a founding member of french club' (Je' Nem Pas la spaghetti, Bonjour mon petit fluer') 'She has custard legs' (Yes...Yes...I do)
One of my favourite findings was a 'post' I had written whilst on holiday in Florida.
So since my brain is mushed, this weeks blog is brought to you by Tasmin aged Nine and Eight Months:
TASMIN AND THE THREE PUDDINGS:
On Saturday after we had been to Blizzard Beach we went for a meal it was a buffet.
I wasnt very hungry so I just got myself some beef, mashpotato and some gravy: So I ate that everything going smoothly so far,
Then came the pudding:
Pudding NO1: I got myself some Jelly and Icecream well I though it was Ice-Cream but it wasn't. It was actually butter that I put had just loaded onto my plate on top of my jelly (well it looked like it, So I got another plate like it! and started again!
Pudding NO2: I got myself some ice-cream (real!) Jelly and some Jelly beans.
I had a lot on my plate and it looked lovely.
I couldn't wait to eat it! I went to the table and put it down. Just as I put it Down mum moved her arm knocking my pudding onto the floor. SPLAT! suddenly there was Ice cream and jelly and jelly beans all over the floor! we had to call a waiter and sort it out! How embarassing:
3rd Pudding: LUCKY!
It could have been written last week, though if I wrote it last week, hopefully not every single Y would be back to front (unfortunately they don't have a keyboard option for that one..)
I've also found a picture of me dresses as a ballerina (I went to one class), A handmade card from my Uncle saying 'Congratulations on being born' (thanks) and a very curtainy looking dress which I like to think belongs to a doll, unfortunately I have baby pictures to prove otherwise!
Right..on to box number 2...
Friday, 26 September 2014
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
UnWisdomness
Google Search:
Why are wisdom teeth called wisdom teeth?
Wisdom teeth are called wisdom teeth because they erupt (emerge) into the mouth when people are in their late teens or early twenties, affectionately termed the "Age of Wisdom"
Well, I have three of the bastards making me reach for the Nurofen/Ibuprofen/Brick Wall; and I have never felt less wise in my life.
I knew finishing University would be tough. I knew it was going to be a scary transition into the next stage of life. I just didn't anticipate it would be this tough. I thought although it would be tough I would just kind of, glide gracefully (not that I do anything gracefully) into the next chapter. Breaking news: I haven't...
Its the weirdest feeling and I can't really explain it. Although I'm sad to have finished University, I'm happy to be leaving the stress of it all. Although I'm sad to have left our lovely flat, I'm happy to have less financial strain for the time being. Although I miss my housemates, I know one is still in Chichester, a 17 minute train ride for me and one is in Hastings. They are hardly the other end of the country - Yet something just doesn't feel right...I just feel...a little bit empty. I'm still perfectly happy...It's just something that I can't put my finger on.
Perhaps it's the fear of being lost. I've gone from School, to Sixth form, to University. I've always known what's coming next. And now I'm stumbling slightly. However sometimes the unknown is good, it's the chance for a fresh start and new and exciting opportunities, I just need to figure out what I want those to be. But I'll get there. It's just a case of seeing it as something positive and not something scary!
So I'm all moved back home now. Back with Mum and Rob, back with the small sibling types, back with Doris (who has seemed to take over the role of hormonal teenager the last two years I've been gone), back with Wilbur and Dairylea the Rabbits and Ryevita and Dip the Guineapigs (I think that's what they are called, so many come and go I lose track) and the fish aquarium with Liz and Phil and Terence and Mr Snicket and whatever the hell they've all been named.
It is nice to be home. It's a massive shock to the system. I've gone from having dinner at nine whilst watching Big Brother to having dinner at six, followed by half an hour of Tracey Beaker, followed by a read of 'The Magic faraway tree' (Or something similar) if I am on small sibling type bed time story duty.
But it's okay, I'm slowly getting back into a routine and feeling settled. (This included Panto auditions yesterday with the lovely Bench Theatre, who I did a show with three years ago and then haven't been able to do another one since due to University chaos - I'm so excited to do another show and get some more silliness back into my life!!)
When I left the flat, I cried the whole way home and on and off for about three days after that. My first night home I explained to my mum through my hiccup-y tears as she hugged me, that I wasn't crying because I was sad to be home, but because I was sad to be leaving. Contradicting I know, But it was tough saying goodbye to the last two years of my life living independently. Its the most cheesiest expression, but all I could think of was that it was the end of an era...and that nothing was going to be the same again...
What a frickin' drama queen eh?!
Still, the end of an era means the start of the new one.
SO, I'm going to work through the Un-wiseness:
I'm going to do panto - (OHHH YES I AM!)
I'm going to find a new job, where I can actually use my degree (And earn more money!)
I'm going to (try) and lose the Stone and a half that living independently for 2 years resulted in (UH!)
And I'm going to get my driving done (OH GAAAAAD)
ONWARDS!
Why are wisdom teeth called wisdom teeth?
Wisdom teeth are called wisdom teeth because they erupt (emerge) into the mouth when people are in their late teens or early twenties, affectionately termed the "Age of Wisdom"
Well, I have three of the bastards making me reach for the Nurofen/Ibuprofen/Brick Wall; and I have never felt less wise in my life.
I knew finishing University would be tough. I knew it was going to be a scary transition into the next stage of life. I just didn't anticipate it would be this tough. I thought although it would be tough I would just kind of, glide gracefully (not that I do anything gracefully) into the next chapter. Breaking news: I haven't...
Its the weirdest feeling and I can't really explain it. Although I'm sad to have finished University, I'm happy to be leaving the stress of it all. Although I'm sad to have left our lovely flat, I'm happy to have less financial strain for the time being. Although I miss my housemates, I know one is still in Chichester, a 17 minute train ride for me and one is in Hastings. They are hardly the other end of the country - Yet something just doesn't feel right...I just feel...a little bit empty. I'm still perfectly happy...It's just something that I can't put my finger on.
Perhaps it's the fear of being lost. I've gone from School, to Sixth form, to University. I've always known what's coming next. And now I'm stumbling slightly. However sometimes the unknown is good, it's the chance for a fresh start and new and exciting opportunities, I just need to figure out what I want those to be. But I'll get there. It's just a case of seeing it as something positive and not something scary!
So I'm all moved back home now. Back with Mum and Rob, back with the small sibling types, back with Doris (who has seemed to take over the role of hormonal teenager the last two years I've been gone), back with Wilbur and Dairylea the Rabbits and Ryevita and Dip the Guineapigs (I think that's what they are called, so many come and go I lose track) and the fish aquarium with Liz and Phil and Terence and Mr Snicket and whatever the hell they've all been named.
It is nice to be home. It's a massive shock to the system. I've gone from having dinner at nine whilst watching Big Brother to having dinner at six, followed by half an hour of Tracey Beaker, followed by a read of 'The Magic faraway tree' (Or something similar) if I am on small sibling type bed time story duty.
But it's okay, I'm slowly getting back into a routine and feeling settled. (This included Panto auditions yesterday with the lovely Bench Theatre, who I did a show with three years ago and then haven't been able to do another one since due to University chaos - I'm so excited to do another show and get some more silliness back into my life!!)
When I left the flat, I cried the whole way home and on and off for about three days after that. My first night home I explained to my mum through my hiccup-y tears as she hugged me, that I wasn't crying because I was sad to be home, but because I was sad to be leaving. Contradicting I know, But it was tough saying goodbye to the last two years of my life living independently. Its the most cheesiest expression, but all I could think of was that it was the end of an era...and that nothing was going to be the same again...
What a frickin' drama queen eh?!
Still, the end of an era means the start of the new one.
SO, I'm going to work through the Un-wiseness:
I'm going to do panto - (OHHH YES I AM!)
I'm going to find a new job, where I can actually use my degree (And earn more money!)
I'm going to (try) and lose the Stone and a half that living independently for 2 years resulted in (UH!)
And I'm going to get my driving done (OH GAAAAAD)
ONWARDS!
Sunday, 6 July 2014
In with the new...
Hello...
As you may have gathered, I've started a new blog 'ooooooh.'
I've been inspired recently by certain people (You know who you are!) to carry on with my blogging. I managed to make my last blog 'Inside Tasmins Bubble' last for about two years and was some what astounded by the amount of positive feedback I got from people about my ramblings.
I love that blog, We became very good friends, the blog and I, however - we just outgrew each other.
Now I have finished University and am entering this new stage of life, I feel it necessary to own a blog that represents the new found mature me. Okay I am not new found, or mature, owning a new, grown-up blog is not going to stop me getting drunk and going down classy Thursdays with the girls, Or listening to Disney Music, Ordering Happy Meals (with extra chips) down McDonalds or watching Tracey Beaker on Netflix, Nope I will still be doing that - However as well as this I will be Tasmin Rhianne Halford with a B.A Honours degree in Performing Arts: Theatre Performance (That sounds far too posh for me) - Who's attempting to enter the grown up world of 'A Career.'
'Inside Tasmin's Bubble' - At the time it was exactly what I thought the blog was going to be, an insight into my life - and looking over it and seeing all the old posts, It has made me realise how amazing the last two years have been and how much has gone on, even though at times I felt like life sucked, it really has been great.
The name was also becoming a bit of an issue for me...
'Insides Tasmin's Bubble'
Sweet, but kind of like having my first MSN address x-Sugar-Tinted-Kisses-x, Or my childhood teddy 'Huggles' - ever so slightly sickly.
Just like my old Bebo, Piczo, Myspace, MSN Addresses, I won't be deleting my old blog, It will still be there floating in cyberspace for anyone who wants to see it again - Though normally the websites go bust and delete them for me...
Anyway, I will keep this short but sweet; With house-moving, job-hunting and life-discovering (ooft) on the horizon (though it is on a speedboat and heading towards me faster and faster...) I'm sure there will be plenty to say in the very near future!
(Okay now is an issue, how do I sign this thing off, I'd normally say, do I stick with the old 'Loves xx' that I used to sign off with? Or do I say 'Thank you!' - But that sounds far too desperate "Thanks for giving a sh*t about what I have to say!" - Well now I'm stumped. Okay, for now we shall settle with....)
Byeee! x
(Eeeeesht. I'll work on it for next time, Promise. Please do come back.)
As you may have gathered, I've started a new blog 'ooooooh.'
I've been inspired recently by certain people (You know who you are!) to carry on with my blogging. I managed to make my last blog 'Inside Tasmins Bubble' last for about two years and was some what astounded by the amount of positive feedback I got from people about my ramblings.
I love that blog, We became very good friends, the blog and I, however - we just outgrew each other.
Now I have finished University and am entering this new stage of life, I feel it necessary to own a blog that represents the new found mature me. Okay I am not new found, or mature, owning a new, grown-up blog is not going to stop me getting drunk and going down classy Thursdays with the girls, Or listening to Disney Music, Ordering Happy Meals (with extra chips) down McDonalds or watching Tracey Beaker on Netflix, Nope I will still be doing that - However as well as this I will be Tasmin Rhianne Halford with a B.A Honours degree in Performing Arts: Theatre Performance (That sounds far too posh for me) - Who's attempting to enter the grown up world of 'A Career.'
'Inside Tasmin's Bubble' - At the time it was exactly what I thought the blog was going to be, an insight into my life - and looking over it and seeing all the old posts, It has made me realise how amazing the last two years have been and how much has gone on, even though at times I felt like life sucked, it really has been great.
The name was also becoming a bit of an issue for me...
'Insides Tasmin's Bubble'
Sweet, but kind of like having my first MSN address x-Sugar-Tinted-Kisses-x, Or my childhood teddy 'Huggles' - ever so slightly sickly.
Just like my old Bebo, Piczo, Myspace, MSN Addresses, I won't be deleting my old blog, It will still be there floating in cyberspace for anyone who wants to see it again - Though normally the websites go bust and delete them for me...
Anyway, I will keep this short but sweet; With house-moving, job-hunting and life-discovering (ooft) on the horizon (though it is on a speedboat and heading towards me faster and faster...) I'm sure there will be plenty to say in the very near future!
(Okay now is an issue, how do I sign this thing off, I'd normally say, do I stick with the old 'Loves xx' that I used to sign off with? Or do I say 'Thank you!' - But that sounds far too desperate "Thanks for giving a sh*t about what I have to say!" - Well now I'm stumped. Okay, for now we shall settle with....)
Byeee! x
(Eeeeesht. I'll work on it for next time, Promise. Please do come back.)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)