So I'm now twenty-three...
Which means I was thirteen, ten years ago...
2006 to be precise.
Which is scary because when someone says 2006, I think five years ago.
TEN?!!
Anyway now I am a wise and mature woman of twenty-three, I feel like there are some words of wisdom I would like to give to my thirteen year old self...
Not entirely possible, if you want to be awkward.
But just go along with it, 'kay?
*Ahem*
1) - Make-up, seriously. I'm sorry. Someone has to tell you. (And you don't listen to your mother when she does.) It's too much. I like the colour blue. In fact, I have a bit of a blue theme going on in my bedroom at the moment. But I like blue on things. Not your face.
Things that are a big no:
- Blue Eyeliner (In ten years time you'll be off to a Butlins eighties weekend, save it for that okay?
- Blue mascara (See above)
- Blue Barry M glitter dust Eyeshadow..(Again, see above...)
- White Eyeshadow...
- Turquoise Eyeshadow
- White Eyeshadow blending in (badly) to turquoise eyeshadow
- Dark brown lipgloss
Seriously, I get what you are trying to do, but it's too much for school and quite frankly you look ridiculous.
2) Going around town with a big group of friends. Cool. Being loud and obnoxious. Not cool. No one else thinks you are funny apart from you. If you're getting dirty looks from people, don't laugh at them. You probably deserve it. You're being annoying and older people quite frankly think you are a bit uncool and ridiculous in your 'gang'. Please don't make this worse with an MSN status saying 'Gr8 day in Wurvinn wiv ma galz and boyz' - It's Worthing, not Wurvinn. And you can just refer to them as friends. No need to sound stupid.
3) While we are on the topic of being in town. I get it. You're 13. You've gone down to Rustington with ya best mate Charlotte Quinney for a 'Girly shop' with a tenner in your pocket. You're going to go into Superdrug to buy some make up, because that's what cool grown up girls, who are out on a girly shop do. But don't be that young irritating teenager, who uses testers all over their face in the completely wrong colours, opens things they are never going to buy and who probably lobs things back wherever. The cosmetics lady is watching you. And she dislikes you. Stick to your Miss Sporty, slightly too dark foundation and be done. Maybe buy a face mask for good measure, thats okay. (Just no blue eyeshadow)
4) MSN - Again...Iget it. It's the key social thing. It's where you go to spend your evening talking to all the people you've spent the last seven hours with at school. Except this time you have a funky name and an arty picture to hide behind. Much cooler. Please, please think about your email address. Eventually you are going to make a CV and get a job.
This will be when you realise that x-Sugar-Tinted-Kisses-x@hotmail.co.uk does not work in making you look like a sensible person who is worthy of a sensible job. People will laugh at you. You'll have to change it to something really boring like TasminRhianne93.
So if you want to have a funky email address alongside your friends: Sxc_Chica123 and BubblyBrunette123 (muhahaha) that's FINE. Just be prepared to change it.
(Also don't have cringey names like 'Da risin, sun can kiss da grass but hunni u can kiss my ass :P' - you sound like an utter din and you will be punching yourself in the face every time you remember it for years to come.)
5) Go to a house party. Have an amazing time. You'll love it. Dance to music and drink WKD and Bacardi breezers until your heart's content. But just some gentle information. You cannot possibly be drunk on 2 bacardi breezers. You might think you are. Rolling round the floor laughing. But really, you're not. However all your friends will be thinking they are drunk as well, so you will be all bouncing off each other in a hysterical, 'drunken' mess. Which is fine. it's good fun. But what I'm saying is being drunk doesn't always feel that fun. It does when you're in the zone. But as soon as you peak and you're in a taxi home clutching on to an empty garlic bread bag from kens kebab shop, doing some serious heavy breathing because you feel like you're going to projectile all over the taxi, it's no longer fun...But don't worry, you'll soon learn when enough is enough (Hopefully by the time you're 33....)
6) You may now for your 10.15 AM. snack at school buy a cheeseburger and a packet of crisps (HOW IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED?!) as a tasty mid-morning snack. But seriously, when you're older. You can't do that. And you wont want to either. Just have a nice breakfast biscuit and a cuppa tea (You'll suddenly realise you like tea aged about 17..) - You'll suddenly reach a point where you start caring about what you eat. You'll feel a bit guilty about eating tooooo much junk food and if you do eat a lot of junk food in a day, you'll end up eating an apple before you go to bed so you feel like you've eaten something healthy...
The only time it will be acceptable to eat in this way, is when you have PMS. Then just to save your own sanity and for the safety of people around you, YOU EAT WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT OKAY?!
Also, whilst we're on that subject, I'm sorry to embarrass you but it's aaaaalllllll natural... Please don't worry about the fact that all your friends have started that particular journey, whilst you are trailing behind, listening to their conversations and not knowing whether to be jealous or horrified.
When they say you are lucky, they mean it. You will get your turn in time. And then you will do very odd things like eat chocolate for breakfast and then cry because none of your clothes feel right.
You'll also have have a monthly existential crisis, question every single aspect of your life..and do weird things like cry at dog food adverts. (You may also be shocked at the number of violent thoughts you can have in a day)...
(Also I wouldn't boast too much about the fact you never get spots, because that totally becomes a thing.)
That is all.
Finaaaaaaaalllllllly:
7) You've probably come across them already, you'll come across some more. School is full of utter twats. People who will do whatever they can to make you feel crap about yourself.
They are RELENTLESS.
They're going to tease you about having big eyes.
(What an idiot, fancy making the choice to have SUCH BIG EYES)
There'll be several names. Fish....Frog.....Hammer-Head Shark...Duck Face...
Bit of a theme, but don't be tempted to pop down to the nearest Sea-Life centre and ask if they have any tanks free for you to rent out for the paying publics viewing please. - just rise above it.
It's hard and at times you will want to retaliate/cry in their faces.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiise above it.
Seriously mush, in ten years time, you're going to be using Eyeliner, Mascara and Fake eyelashes to make your eyes look EVEN BIGGER. Just as a masive F UUUUUUUUUUUUUU to them.
Your big eyes are fine. (Unless you smother them in blue eyeshadow, then we have a major problem.)
Work 'em!
Just be confident, say what you think (WITHIN REASON) and stick up for yourself.
In time, you'll learn from it.
So yes,
There we go.
Ahhh, teenage life.
How I miss it.
|Not.
(Though I do miss the cheaper train tickets and the whole not having to work thing.
That was nice.)
xx
No comments:
Post a Comment